autumn

What is it about the autumn time, even the season's name makes me want to throw on a sweater and walk along a pathway outlined by copper tones and splashes of red.
Is it the crisp apples picked right off the tree? The coolness of their skin which you can make glow like your cheeks by gliding them up and down the front of your sweater. The first chilly juice grabbing your tongue mixed with the crunch has, to me, has no fruit's competition.
It may not only be the fact that it is fresh apple time, but the environment always intermingles with the experience. To begin with it's a season where layers are a must and I couldn't be happier! Scarves come out with jackets and boots protecting the apple picker from the chilly breeze and lack of sunshine. But the clouds, even though blocking beauty, hold a mystery of their own. They lay like blankets over the earth almost protecting us from the winter to come, even though they are part of the cause. They make me feel as though I were a child, hiding under a wool blanket that allows some light but still hides its precious commodity.
The darker colours of the sky pull out the gorgeous tones emitted by the trees and shrubs once brilliant greens. Unlike the eternity of a dark sky showing off it's starry host, these leaves of sunset colours must allow the gray sky to brag on them for they only last a few months.
The brisk breeze that speeds up your walk, the stillness only disturbed by the rustle of crisp leaves, sticky lips still tasting of apple and the feeling of being wrapped up in not only clothes but in clouds makes this my favourite time to be alive.

the love of God and umbrellas

I feel it even here. amongst the lost, amongst the greateste skeptics. words of joy and of the love of the Lord blaring through my ears into my spirit. they have no idea the love they hold themselves back from...knowingly or not. why do we hang back? why do we hold back the answer for these people. the Lord is as deeply in love with them as He is with us? He desires to wash them in His love, in His grace but we are sometimes the ones who hold the umbrella up. the rain is pouring and we don't allow them to get wet, to get soaked in His presence. the umbrella of religion, of good morals or even an umbrella of silence. is the power really in our hands to yank down that umbrella we as the church often hold? i believe it is. do they know what awaits them if they step out from that covering? do they know the intense devotion they would find? or the arms that would hold them through it all? do they knw of the blessings which are rolling of the umbrella and hitting the ground, laying in puddles of mis-used glory at their feet? lets remove them umbrella. push them out from under it show them the love that awaits them. the love of the Lord which floods my soul as i sit here on campus.

for the individual

there are two 10 page papers sitting in my mind waiting, needing to be written, but something else is pressing on my heart which always yells louder then my mind.
Imagine yourself standing shoulder to shoulder, crammed together with thousand's of sweaty fans at your all-time favourite concert. You are overcome with the incredible sound coming from boooming speakers intermingled with the screams and off pitch singing of, not only yourself, but those around you. You are there, best friend's with all those around you, only because you share the same love for those people dancing spastically around on stage. You are one of the crowd, one of the people in that 'world'. The band is rocking out for you. For the masses before them they sing their hearts out and play their guitars til their fingers bleed.
I know this is a horrible comparison to the death of Jesus, but in a way I feel it holds many similarities to today's Christians. We are held together by a common bond, a love of our Saviour. A deep love for a best friend that connects you with complete strangers. But if you were taken out of that crowd, out of that world would you be missed? Would that band still be playing, singing and screaming if you could not make the concert.
The Lord revealed to me the other night that many Christians feel this way. That even though they are part of the "world" they are not accounted for as unique people who can have a personal relationship with Him . John 3:16 For God so loved the WORLD that He gave His only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.
Jesus did not die for a crowd of people, He died for the individuals who together make a crowd. The masses can be saved, but He died for each person, who when brought together with each other, make a mass.
At a concert we would never expect the band to call out each indivual's name and welcome them and tell them how they appreciate each fan. But Jesus is different. He knows each face, He calls out each name. When He looks out over the world He does not see a blur of people He died for, He sees each life, and knows exactly what He has planned for each one.
We cannot feel lost in the masses or like we are just one in the world of billions, unrecognizable and unseen. For Christ died for you because He loves YOU and not just because you happen to be part of the world, part of the crowd.
Remember Christ did not die for wholesale, He died for retail...individual souls and lives that He loved, which made up a group of people called the world.

the romanticism of writing

I always seem to have an urge to get my thoughts and revelations out on paper or cyberspace for that matter, but what is it that draws you to form words in ways that work and don't just exist? Do I write because I take pleasure in rearranging sentences so they take some thought to figure out? Or do I write merely for the thought of how romantic the thought of writing is?
Here is my setting at this moment...
I am sitting at 45 degrees on my unmade bed surrounded by the low lighting created by a single fan light reflecting off the dark sunset colours of my walls. My bamboo blinds make it possible for me to see the drizzle outside that was forcasted as flurries. There is a sombre mood in the sky is due to clouds seeing as it is only 330 in the afternoon and not yet dark. The room in which I sit holds no inspiration unless I felt inclined to write about dust bunnies and the array of odds and sods they can be found in. The chaos of my unfiled pictures leaves me frustrated as they can be found on every dresser top and cork board. Closet doors wedged open with last seasons handbags and clothes that are not dirty enough to be washed yet not clean and therefore unable to be put back in the drawer. So here I sit on a break from university maintaining my sanity only by listening to the drops of 'supposed to be' flurries and entertaining myself by meaninglessly punching my laptops keys in hopes of producing something worth rereading.
As I am surrounded by the above descriptions I ponder if I truly am a writer...or do I just desire the romance that is beautiful writing? Do I try to hard to be that individual who stops at bookshops and who sits by herself at coffee shops dating the page turner that never leaves her fingers. Or am I really part writer who loves the art and who not only loves the thought of loving the art.
I have realized I love to write when it is not a must do. If I were a professional which may not even be possible I would detest the thought of stringing words together in phenomenal ways, but as a girl who can sit and type when she wants and about what is dwelling inside her is frankly awfully alluring. So I will continue my meaningless writing that enterains only myself for if there was anyone else reading and enjoying I might feel pressured and therefore no longer see the enticing factor writing has to offer.
Feel free to join me in the indulgence of writing upon inspiration and not upon deadline and we shalll share in each others thoughts, knowing they come from the heart and not from under an iron fist of pressure.

back at it again

there's the one lusting after knowledge and always searching for more answers to fulfill his desire for meaning. spending countless hours researching, studying and striving for the ultimate goal of knowing more. there is another lusting after acceptance. she does all that is necessary to be known, to be seen and to be pulled into the crowd she usually gossips about. another is here for the opposite sex. lusting after lust itself. never satisfied always looking to conquer and finding this domain thick with prey who make the chase too easy.
there is something about this place, this campus which would scare me if i was under my own power. it is a brainwashing, compromising, tolerant attitude which will control any who let down their guard. what it is about this medium sized university that it has such an effect on those who walk through its doors regularly.
i praise the Lord for His victory and power as I tred the paths daily here in windsor. on my own strength none of this would be possible and maybe i would be one of only three downward spirals listed above.
this place needs hope, this place needs love and acceptance without compromise. this place needs healing of broken hearts, broken dreams and broken souls. this place needs freedom. this place needs Jesus.

"I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship." Romans 12:1

this is our God

So what is your god? Does your tv do the trick? Does it refresh you and fill you with joy? Oh I know, what about your friends? They give you joy right, but do they speak truth at all times and comfort you when you are completely alone? One more guess, the parties and drunkness that goes on weekend after weekend. Not remembering what happened and wondering if you did something you would regret? Or maybe you just love the thought of doing the same thing every weekend with the same people? Am I close? Well, there are so many things or people in your life that you could make a god. Anything at all. Fashion, movie stars, your parents, boyfriend/girlfriend, your bank account, yet do any of them 100 % satisfy you? Do you have full confidence that with only that one god in your life you could live an abundantly happy, fulfilled life?
Let me share a tad about my God...about who I have devoted my entire life to. My God is my Father. I am His child and He holds me during every moment of my life. He is the comforter or all the weary and weak. He heals those who call on His name. He radically changes lives and heals bodies so that the blind can see the glories of His creation and the deaf can hear the chirp of the sparrow that He watches over.
My God turns drug dealers and murderers into loving Christians who no longer depend on eartly pleasures but on my God. He melts the hearts of the most vicious rulers and comes to the rescue of His most humble followers.
My God turns any terrible situation out for good. He takes what the devil means for harm and brings forth blessing and growth through it.
My God created me and you. He formed us and planned for His son to die for us while we were still mocking Him and spitting in His face. My God left heaven to become a meer human being. To walk here and be tempted so that we can now call on Him and He knows exactly what we are struggling with.
My God raises souls from the dead and casts the enemy out of man's body.
My God speaks to me through His Holy word and through all circumstances. I hear Him as the breeze caresses my face and in the silence before storm.
My God guides me, directs me and holds me upright. I do not live in shame or condemnation for my God has saved me.
My God desires to spend time with me, desires to talk to me and desires for me to worship Him. My God loves to see me dance, delights in my singing and is overjoyed when I praise Him for all the magnificent things He has done.
My God is better then your god...

a silent satisfaction

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to
save. He will take great delight in you, he will
quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you
with singing!" Zephaniah 3:17

One of my most favourite verses. Could there be
any more comfort in life then knowing the
Creator of the galaxies is singing over you and quieting you? Even the fact that He is with us...the Lord your God is with you. The reality of this hit me lately while really thinking about who the Lord is and how small I truly am.

We as believers are nothing. Our faith is not even ours. It is a gift. Our provision in everyway comes from the Lord.

I love how the amplified Bible shares this verse: 17The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.

When first reading this the phrase silent satisfaction leapt out at me. I envisioned a proud father watching over his son treat an enemy with love or a in my case a sister who watches her sister grow up to be honourable and in love with the Lord. It is not something we holler about and throw parties for. But we rest and are comforted and are internally jumping around as we are filled with contentment.

This verses shows us a few of the many sides of our God. He is with us always, omnipresent, never leaving our midst. That alone fills my spirit with gratitude. Also we see our Lord as the true warrior He is. He is mighty to save. It does not mean that He will try His very best to save us from situations, no He is mighty TO save. He will save us and protect us. Finally the Lord is forgiving, a word we humans can hardly grasp. We may forgive, but we cannot forget. The Lord does not recall our sins, He never brings them up by saying..."well Beth, remember that one time you did that and I forgave you, well since I forgave you know you have to do this for me.." No, haha the Lord does not bring them to his mind, He CHOOSES to forget them.

The most key point in this verse that makes my spirit bubble is that the Lord delights in us. Our Father, the King, the Mighty One, delights in us, His children so abundantly that it overflows to singing. As when we are filled with joy and our bellies feel full to the seams with excitement and glee that we have to open our mouth and sing for fear of bursting. That is our Lord and His extreme enchantment with us.

Just a comfort for your day. It always lifts my spirits.