heart of a woman

"Abortion is a matter of the heart. For until one understands the heart of a woman, nothing else about abortion makes any sense at all." - Dr. George Tiller

This quote was issued by a late-term abortionist before he was assassinated in 2009. The heart of a woman...it angers me to hear a man who murders babies and debilitates women even let those words pass through his lips. How dare he suggest he was influenced by the heart of women to take what is most precious straight from their womb. Does he not see the look in a mother's eye when her child sprains an ankle or suffers from the flu all through the night? Does he not see how her heart was drawn to her child in need and would gladly suffer the pain in their place? If her maternal response is so evident in such minimal situations as her child crying from a hurtful word on the playground, then how much more is a mother programmed to respond if her defenseless child is helplessly sucked from their safe haven. The emotional impact of abortion on women has been repeatedly published, and testimonies of depression, anxiety and gut-wrenching guilt will continue as long as abortions do.
You see it in the 3 year old girl who cuddles her doll tightly to her chest when a threat is perceived, or the twenty year old ladies who cannot help but flock to the side of a mother and child and hope to connect with the baby through a smile or coo or finally a mum by her daughter's side almost partaking in the pains of labour over again as her grandchild enters the world. If it is not a child it is a pet or a friend who needs nurturing, maybe even a husband...but a woman has the nature to care and to take responsibility for the experiences of that individual.
So if abortion is only about the heart of women, and that is the only way it makes sense, then proving that abortion is unnatural and not paralleled with a woman's heart should be enough to bring it to a halt. Pro-life truly is pro-choice as they care more about the outcome of women's health and there are many more options available through pro-life then there are through pro-choice. This is not about the sanctity of life, although that is an indisputable factor, but about the health of women, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Going against the natural order of a female's nature brings about disorder in all areas of her life and leaves a mess that truly only Christ can clean up. The devastation of knowing the child you were there to protect and nourish was, at your word, painfully murdered and never given a chance to defend themselves rips open a hole in the heart of a women... it does not, as Dr. Till says, make it the only reason to perform abortions. So, Dr. Tiller, if you had access to view any woman in your life in the role of a mother I'm not sure why or how you could have continued.

do this in remembrance of me.

Luke 22: 7-23
I had been missing the beauty of communion. The splendor of Jesus' sacrifice had lost it's powerful impact as communion had been focused on me. The idea of communion had been ingrained in me by previous leadership that it was about receiving what I needed at that time. Whether I lacked healing, strength, joy, a sense of worth, power or anything else we humans are in need of occasionally that it could be pulled down from heaven during communion by the power of the blood of Christ. Now, I am not saying that this is not possible or that the Lord did not intend for us to reach into Him during communion, a symbol of the new covenant, but is it meant to be the focus? I realized during communion this Sunday that I had lost the worship and remembrance of Jesus during this time. I found myself focusing on what I lacked at that moment and praying that as I participated in communion I would reach into Christ and receive what He had made available through the cross. Where was my honour for Him? Why was I not broken and on my knees in affectionate remembrance (amplified Bible) of my incredible Saviour? Do this in remembrance of me...why was I only remembering the sacrifice as to receive for myself? Worship was never intended to be used for our gain, but to honour and give deserved praise to our Father. In the end we always receive from our Lord because of His beautiful nature of love and generosity...not because we reach in and make that our focus while worshiping Him.
Where are we as a church when even communion does not direct our gaze to Christ for only the reason of remembering and honouring Him? Are we such an entitled people that we feel we deserve something from worshiping or partaking in the bread and cup? How dishonouring to our Saviour, who already gave us His life, to take our eyes off Him, place them on ourselves and use His sacrifice for our means.
Do this in remembrance of me. We hardly give Him any time at all as a North American church...can we at least take the time during communion to bring Him to mind. To focus all our attention on His life, how great of a sacrifice He made for us out of His love and mercy, how beautiful He is in His victorious position and how thankful we are for His grace and for His remembrance of us.

the rite...a must see.

My husband and I recently, as in four hours ago, went to the theatre to view 'the rite'. In complete honesty we went there partly for curiosity sake, to see how Hollywood would portray exorcism and the truth behind it. We had seen the trailers often and where doubtful we would see it as neither of us do well where horror movies are concerned. This one though captured our attention, and with our Monday night open we thought we would risk a scare to see how well this movie depicted the strength of our Lord over evil.
I expected myself to jump, quiver and make uncontrolled yelps as things went 'bump in the night'....but instead, I was in tears as Michael finally declared his belief in the devil and in our Lord and began speaking truth to the demonic forces holding his friend. I was filled with pride for Jesus, His sacrifice and His power over all dark creatures. As the camera circled Michael and the possessed Lucas, the words Michael pronounced over the kneeling man brought out an emotional reaction I would not have expected at an 'exorcist' movie. It was like watching my Saviour being crucified, and while the sadness you feel is unexplainable so is the pride and strength you sense welling up inside of you provoking your response. It was empowering, uplifting and comforting knowing the power we hold through our Christ, not that we as humans are powerful, but that his sacrifice and love for us allows the ever-victorious power of the blood to flow through us as we believe. What an incredible, almighty, awesome God we serve! One who holds the upper hand always and uses vessels like us to work against his enemies. There was no fear while watching this movie, only a feeling of authority and excitement that no matter how powerful the demonic were portrayed, my Father was/is unimaginably dominant!
How fearful I would be seeing a movie, such as the rite, based on true events, not knowing the power behind the cross.  As movies like this are being produced it shows that people have an interest in the spiritual, and how is there evil without good? If this is an absolute truth, that there is evil, there must be the opposite. And this movie, I feel, does a great job of making sure we know the order of authority at the end of the day. Jesus prevails, always. How thankful I am to be held in His arms.
And thank you, writers and producers of this movie, for not making this production an in-your-face gorey horror film, but for excellently visualizing that "our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens"...and yes the battles are there, but the victory is ours through Him. :D

and just a p.s., in this film the demons possessing the characters try to throw the exorcists sins back into their face, yell out their shortcomings and failures, saying they know all their nickel and dime sins. As this was happening to the young man in the movie I was struck with thankfulness. Yes, the enemy knows our sins, but so does our loving and merciful Saviour. He has forgiven those sins and chooses not to remember them. The devil can try and throw your past sins back at you, sapping your confidence from you, but remember Christ knows too. He still loves you, has forgiven you upon your repentance and those mistakes will not hold you back from declaring the power of Jesus Christ...no matter how loudly the powers of darkness yell them. Thank you Lord.

Slate (April 2010 to January 24th, 2011) "meow meow meow meow meow"

Today was a day of shock and sadness. Our 8 month old kitten, Slate, left this world with hardly a warning. His visit to the vet at 4PM, after having signs of dizziness, lethargy and a little cut that would not heal was only 4 hours before he died at roughly 8PM. It was possibly cytopenia, aplastic anemia or something else that would bottom out his hemoglobin, hematocrit, red blood cells and platlets, leading to his shortness of breath and eventual death cuddled up on my lap in his blanket. I do miss him already, hence my quick memoir to his 8 month life that blessed Ben and I in one of the hardest times of our life. As Ben said, the Lord has a purpose even for the tiny creatures we allow into our home, and his affection and comfort during these months was incredibly supportive and meaningful, even coming from a tiny soft kitten.
Slate came into our home before we really had a home! We picked up Slate and his sister Bella from a cat-loving couple who had adopted them into their already 9 cat home after finding them in an air conditioner vent. They were 2 weeks old when found and we made them part of the Clark family at 11 weeks. When we first had them we were days away from being married and they were our first pets as man and wife.

Slate made his appearance as a scrawny kitty who could not cuddle enough. He loved our attention, and while he still had claws, would climb your pant leg if you did not pick him up soon enough after his adoring 'meows'. His trademark move at 3 AM was picking up my earrings off my dresser, large or small, and dropping them from the waist height ledge, waking up both residents in the room. This would happen continually until we climbed out of a warm bed and scooped him off the counter, spreading around the other items on the ledge to try and deter him from jumping up repeatedly. Looking back it makes me smile and tear up as I know that every morning after those incidents I would wake up, roll over and find him curled up next to my shoulder purring quietly in his sleep. If he woke before Ben or I he would be sure to run into the room at the sound of the alarm and hastily get as close to us as possible as we scrambled for the snooze button.

Slate has been the most affectionate kitten I have ever been in contact with! He would let you flip him upside down, backwards and forwards, constantly purring and settle into your arms, belly up ready for some love! You could pull on paws, ears, scratch his belly (unusual for cats), or any other method of cuddling and he would never jump, scratch or run away. He was constantly ready to snooze in your arms.

Slate also had a passion for water. Whether this was part of the problem he eventually died of or if it was just a strange infatuation with H2O, Slate could not hold back from racing to your side when he heard running water. He took a front row seat on the counter top while Mommy or Daddy did the dishers, even allowing us to soak his tail in bubbles...which he hardly noticed. He would also wait under the sink while we washed our hands, occasionally trying to balance on the bathroom sink, intently watching the water flow. He would find any glass of water within his reach and take a sip of anyone's cup! As soon as the tap was loud enough to hear, the gallopping of padded paws across hard flooring could be heard before seeing him leap to our side by the double sink.

One final fond memory of my little prince is how he enjoyed watching tv with us. His stretched out position across our glass coffee table was a prime location for him to comfortably view the television and follow the moving items with his eyes across the screen. I have thankfully captured this on film so Ben and I can laugh at his cute antics after the shock of his death has passed by.

So I leave you with a kiss Slate, and Daddy does too...as well as you sister Bella. I'll miss you more in the mornings when your cute eyes aren't the second set I see after Ben's.

charm, beauty and hair cuts.

charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

so where does this leave women and their desire to be beautiful? the Lord has been revealing areas of my life that I had no idea needed refining...until the chop...
two months ago I decided, with the push of my husband, to cut off my waist length blond hair. it had always been my plan to cut my hair after our wedding and send it away to locks of love, the wig making organization. well two months later my braid is still laying in my sock drawer and i have had the 'trim'. this is what i am referring to as the chop. the first hair cut i had was a shock. it took me about two months to get used to the ear length pixie cut 'do that could be radically styled into a mohawk...something I have always wanted to rep. i was hardly recognized by many but i was thoroughly enjoying spiking my hair into my 'pink-like' hawk. it had most definitely been a change, but after two months i was comfortable with styling it, knew how to tend to my locks and was feeling my teenage punkyness finally have a say through my hair....most of all i still felt pretty. my husband called me beautiful and the fun i was having with my hairstyle cancelled out the shock of the drastic change in length. but then...the trim.
it was/is horrible. no longer do feel like an attractive rockin' women, i now feel like a pre-pubescent 10 year old boy who's mother recently cut his hair with kitchen scissors previously used that morning to cut the fat off dad's breakfast bacon. it is wispy, thin, showing my scalp and lacks all i have ever felt...feminine beauty. i have found myself crying over my hair, looking at my reflection pitifully and trying not to curse the lady who made me look this way. i haven't accepted the adoring words of my husband and catch myself in self-pity more then i thought possible.
this has been my eye opener. this reaction has shown me where my life is in need of attention. we speak about our Father being concerned with our heart, but man being focused on our outward appearance, and a women being praised for her fear in our Lord and not for her outward charm. so where do we draw the line as humans living in the world but not being of it? have i cried recently over issues that may make my heart not as attractive to my Dad? or have i been more focused on how my peers perceive my new hair cut? never had i realized how much i depended on my hair as a shield, a safety blanket for my soul. how easy it is to cover our insecurities with our securities. my hair...unbeknownst to me...has been my security. with this being so unintentionally and hurriedly stripped away i have been left to work through the emotions arising within me. ones of self-conciousness, inadequacy and self-pity. i truly have sickened myself with the state of my heart. but, realizing your short comings allows you to recognize their company and resist giving into them when the earthly urge arises. it is almost exciting to be allowed the opportunity to strengthen your character, to seek out the truth of how you feel and then seek the truth of how the Lord is calling us to be. what better way to spend your time then pursing our Father and his truth for us and his truth for those around us whom He adores. my insecurities are in no way different then most young women around me and i encourage you to ask the Lord what you would feel most uncomfortable living without, and remind yourself of the truth our Father speaks to us...we have captured his heart with one look, with one glance of our eyes we have him smitten...with or without hair.

thanksgiving inspirations

Feeling the sun warm my skin and the breeze bring out the goose bumps is an extraordinary sensation. Both occur simaltaneously yet the consitant warmth always overpowers the varying rush of cool air. Alex feels the same but from a different perpective, from his wheelchair. From a perspective of countless surgeries, incapacitating pain which would usually whip a smile of most anybody's face. Yet all my memories of Alex are as far from this assumption as possible. I'm sure behind closed doors the tears of frustration and questioning have fallen, yet the courage and strength to show joy at any other time takes immeasurable thankfulness. The thankfulness to be alive.
I can take part in life in whole way, to never have to struggle for my physcial life. But it seems gratitute fades the stronger the body becomes. We have less appreciation for life itself, contintually pondering tomorrow and therefore not noticing the beauty that is today.
Today the leaves are goldends and rouges, tomorrow they may fall, making you wait an entire year for the autumn beauty to reoccur. Today I can walk for kilometers in wooded areas and down crowded city sidewalks, tomorrow I may be confined to my bed. Today I can speak freely o fmy faith and read God's Word in the presence of His creative beauty. Tomorrow we may not have the opportunity to see the sunshine of day during our underground servies.
Today I can think, write, run, observe natures miracles and take part in almost anything my heart desires...so while I have today I will do those things, take those chances.

For the trees are only this shade for a month of two and the sun will bring warmth over the breeze for a few more weeks. I am blessed with breath today...

more than a poem

I once knew a young woman. She would write poems, not for others but for herself. This woman was no poet, not even a writer, but her poetry connected her to her Saviour. She would write from her heart, her soul and her revelations. Her poetry would consist of tears from struggles, from triumphs and from her own searching. These poems were part of her. It was for this reason she was shocked when she came across her poetry under someone else's name. It did not concern her that this individual was getting the glory and praise for her thoughts, but because of the carelessness and lack of consideration for her heart...her poetry. Someone had taken them as if they were objects to gain attention over, yet they were her treasures as a result of her soul's travels. They had been pulled together through many scraps of paper filled with her mind's gems and formed into cries from her deepest parts and victorious praises to her Lord. A connection, a portal with which she shared with Him her revelations and her deep love for His beauty. To see this meaningful part of her life taken and paraded about for other's entertainment was hurtful. She felt as if her soul was unleashed without her permission and then shown as someone else's revelation which her Father had given to her. These words had been gifts from above and not meant to be rewarded and praised for. They were yearnings of a heart, questions from her soul and a passageway to her Father's arms. She never wanted her poems back, never asked for the wrong to be corrected. Just prayed earnestly to never again have her bond with the King of Kings taken from her and used for selfish gain. They were not just words they were her deep crying out to His deep.

autumn

What is it about the autumn time, even the season's name makes me want to throw on a sweater and walk along a pathway outlined by copper tones and splashes of red.
Is it the crisp apples picked right off the tree? The coolness of their skin which you can make glow like your cheeks by gliding them up and down the front of your sweater. The first chilly juice grabbing your tongue mixed with the crunch has, to me, has no fruit's competition.
It may not only be the fact that it is fresh apple time, but the environment always intermingles with the experience. To begin with it's a season where layers are a must and I couldn't be happier! Scarves come out with jackets and boots protecting the apple picker from the chilly breeze and lack of sunshine. But the clouds, even though blocking beauty, hold a mystery of their own. They lay like blankets over the earth almost protecting us from the winter to come, even though they are part of the cause. They make me feel as though I were a child, hiding under a wool blanket that allows some light but still hides its precious commodity.
The darker colours of the sky pull out the gorgeous tones emitted by the trees and shrubs once brilliant greens. Unlike the eternity of a dark sky showing off it's starry host, these leaves of sunset colours must allow the gray sky to brag on them for they only last a few months.
The brisk breeze that speeds up your walk, the stillness only disturbed by the rustle of crisp leaves, sticky lips still tasting of apple and the feeling of being wrapped up in not only clothes but in clouds makes this my favourite time to be alive.

the love of God and umbrellas

I feel it even here. amongst the lost, amongst the greateste skeptics. words of joy and of the love of the Lord blaring through my ears into my spirit. they have no idea the love they hold themselves back from...knowingly or not. why do we hang back? why do we hold back the answer for these people. the Lord is as deeply in love with them as He is with us? He desires to wash them in His love, in His grace but we are sometimes the ones who hold the umbrella up. the rain is pouring and we don't allow them to get wet, to get soaked in His presence. the umbrella of religion, of good morals or even an umbrella of silence. is the power really in our hands to yank down that umbrella we as the church often hold? i believe it is. do they know what awaits them if they step out from that covering? do they know the intense devotion they would find? or the arms that would hold them through it all? do they knw of the blessings which are rolling of the umbrella and hitting the ground, laying in puddles of mis-used glory at their feet? lets remove them umbrella. push them out from under it show them the love that awaits them. the love of the Lord which floods my soul as i sit here on campus.

for the individual

there are two 10 page papers sitting in my mind waiting, needing to be written, but something else is pressing on my heart which always yells louder then my mind.
Imagine yourself standing shoulder to shoulder, crammed together with thousand's of sweaty fans at your all-time favourite concert. You are overcome with the incredible sound coming from boooming speakers intermingled with the screams and off pitch singing of, not only yourself, but those around you. You are there, best friend's with all those around you, only because you share the same love for those people dancing spastically around on stage. You are one of the crowd, one of the people in that 'world'. The band is rocking out for you. For the masses before them they sing their hearts out and play their guitars til their fingers bleed.
I know this is a horrible comparison to the death of Jesus, but in a way I feel it holds many similarities to today's Christians. We are held together by a common bond, a love of our Saviour. A deep love for a best friend that connects you with complete strangers. But if you were taken out of that crowd, out of that world would you be missed? Would that band still be playing, singing and screaming if you could not make the concert.
The Lord revealed to me the other night that many Christians feel this way. That even though they are part of the "world" they are not accounted for as unique people who can have a personal relationship with Him . John 3:16 For God so loved the WORLD that He gave His only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.
Jesus did not die for a crowd of people, He died for the individuals who together make a crowd. The masses can be saved, but He died for each person, who when brought together with each other, make a mass.
At a concert we would never expect the band to call out each indivual's name and welcome them and tell them how they appreciate each fan. But Jesus is different. He knows each face, He calls out each name. When He looks out over the world He does not see a blur of people He died for, He sees each life, and knows exactly what He has planned for each one.
We cannot feel lost in the masses or like we are just one in the world of billions, unrecognizable and unseen. For Christ died for you because He loves YOU and not just because you happen to be part of the world, part of the crowd.
Remember Christ did not die for wholesale, He died for retail...individual souls and lives that He loved, which made up a group of people called the world.

the romanticism of writing

I always seem to have an urge to get my thoughts and revelations out on paper or cyberspace for that matter, but what is it that draws you to form words in ways that work and don't just exist? Do I write because I take pleasure in rearranging sentences so they take some thought to figure out? Or do I write merely for the thought of how romantic the thought of writing is?
Here is my setting at this moment...
I am sitting at 45 degrees on my unmade bed surrounded by the low lighting created by a single fan light reflecting off the dark sunset colours of my walls. My bamboo blinds make it possible for me to see the drizzle outside that was forcasted as flurries. There is a sombre mood in the sky is due to clouds seeing as it is only 330 in the afternoon and not yet dark. The room in which I sit holds no inspiration unless I felt inclined to write about dust bunnies and the array of odds and sods they can be found in. The chaos of my unfiled pictures leaves me frustrated as they can be found on every dresser top and cork board. Closet doors wedged open with last seasons handbags and clothes that are not dirty enough to be washed yet not clean and therefore unable to be put back in the drawer. So here I sit on a break from university maintaining my sanity only by listening to the drops of 'supposed to be' flurries and entertaining myself by meaninglessly punching my laptops keys in hopes of producing something worth rereading.
As I am surrounded by the above descriptions I ponder if I truly am a writer...or do I just desire the romance that is beautiful writing? Do I try to hard to be that individual who stops at bookshops and who sits by herself at coffee shops dating the page turner that never leaves her fingers. Or am I really part writer who loves the art and who not only loves the thought of loving the art.
I have realized I love to write when it is not a must do. If I were a professional which may not even be possible I would detest the thought of stringing words together in phenomenal ways, but as a girl who can sit and type when she wants and about what is dwelling inside her is frankly awfully alluring. So I will continue my meaningless writing that enterains only myself for if there was anyone else reading and enjoying I might feel pressured and therefore no longer see the enticing factor writing has to offer.
Feel free to join me in the indulgence of writing upon inspiration and not upon deadline and we shalll share in each others thoughts, knowing they come from the heart and not from under an iron fist of pressure.

back at it again

there's the one lusting after knowledge and always searching for more answers to fulfill his desire for meaning. spending countless hours researching, studying and striving for the ultimate goal of knowing more. there is another lusting after acceptance. she does all that is necessary to be known, to be seen and to be pulled into the crowd she usually gossips about. another is here for the opposite sex. lusting after lust itself. never satisfied always looking to conquer and finding this domain thick with prey who make the chase too easy.
there is something about this place, this campus which would scare me if i was under my own power. it is a brainwashing, compromising, tolerant attitude which will control any who let down their guard. what it is about this medium sized university that it has such an effect on those who walk through its doors regularly.
i praise the Lord for His victory and power as I tred the paths daily here in windsor. on my own strength none of this would be possible and maybe i would be one of only three downward spirals listed above.
this place needs hope, this place needs love and acceptance without compromise. this place needs healing of broken hearts, broken dreams and broken souls. this place needs freedom. this place needs Jesus.

"I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship." Romans 12:1

this is our God

So what is your god? Does your tv do the trick? Does it refresh you and fill you with joy? Oh I know, what about your friends? They give you joy right, but do they speak truth at all times and comfort you when you are completely alone? One more guess, the parties and drunkness that goes on weekend after weekend. Not remembering what happened and wondering if you did something you would regret? Or maybe you just love the thought of doing the same thing every weekend with the same people? Am I close? Well, there are so many things or people in your life that you could make a god. Anything at all. Fashion, movie stars, your parents, boyfriend/girlfriend, your bank account, yet do any of them 100 % satisfy you? Do you have full confidence that with only that one god in your life you could live an abundantly happy, fulfilled life?
Let me share a tad about my God...about who I have devoted my entire life to. My God is my Father. I am His child and He holds me during every moment of my life. He is the comforter or all the weary and weak. He heals those who call on His name. He radically changes lives and heals bodies so that the blind can see the glories of His creation and the deaf can hear the chirp of the sparrow that He watches over.
My God turns drug dealers and murderers into loving Christians who no longer depend on eartly pleasures but on my God. He melts the hearts of the most vicious rulers and comes to the rescue of His most humble followers.
My God turns any terrible situation out for good. He takes what the devil means for harm and brings forth blessing and growth through it.
My God created me and you. He formed us and planned for His son to die for us while we were still mocking Him and spitting in His face. My God left heaven to become a meer human being. To walk here and be tempted so that we can now call on Him and He knows exactly what we are struggling with.
My God raises souls from the dead and casts the enemy out of man's body.
My God speaks to me through His Holy word and through all circumstances. I hear Him as the breeze caresses my face and in the silence before storm.
My God guides me, directs me and holds me upright. I do not live in shame or condemnation for my God has saved me.
My God desires to spend time with me, desires to talk to me and desires for me to worship Him. My God loves to see me dance, delights in my singing and is overjoyed when I praise Him for all the magnificent things He has done.
My God is better then your god...

a silent satisfaction

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to
save. He will take great delight in you, he will
quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you
with singing!" Zephaniah 3:17

One of my most favourite verses. Could there be
any more comfort in life then knowing the
Creator of the galaxies is singing over you and quieting you? Even the fact that He is with us...the Lord your God is with you. The reality of this hit me lately while really thinking about who the Lord is and how small I truly am.

We as believers are nothing. Our faith is not even ours. It is a gift. Our provision in everyway comes from the Lord.

I love how the amplified Bible shares this verse: 17The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.

When first reading this the phrase silent satisfaction leapt out at me. I envisioned a proud father watching over his son treat an enemy with love or a in my case a sister who watches her sister grow up to be honourable and in love with the Lord. It is not something we holler about and throw parties for. But we rest and are comforted and are internally jumping around as we are filled with contentment.

This verses shows us a few of the many sides of our God. He is with us always, omnipresent, never leaving our midst. That alone fills my spirit with gratitude. Also we see our Lord as the true warrior He is. He is mighty to save. It does not mean that He will try His very best to save us from situations, no He is mighty TO save. He will save us and protect us. Finally the Lord is forgiving, a word we humans can hardly grasp. We may forgive, but we cannot forget. The Lord does not recall our sins, He never brings them up by saying..."well Beth, remember that one time you did that and I forgave you, well since I forgave you know you have to do this for me.." No, haha the Lord does not bring them to his mind, He CHOOSES to forget them.

The most key point in this verse that makes my spirit bubble is that the Lord delights in us. Our Father, the King, the Mighty One, delights in us, His children so abundantly that it overflows to singing. As when we are filled with joy and our bellies feel full to the seams with excitement and glee that we have to open our mouth and sing for fear of bursting. That is our Lord and His extreme enchantment with us.

Just a comfort for your day. It always lifts my spirits.

the 'i'm better then you because i'm a christian' christian

Mis-representations. Everything gets misrepresented by someone or something at some point in time. For example, people claiming to be part of an organization that stands for peace yet they argue constantly with their family. In some people's eyes this would a) tarnish the name of the group itself because they stereotype. The one looking in on the situation will see the individuals anger towards their family and take it to mean that the entire society just claim to want peace but never really try it for themselves. or b) other people would see that it was just one persons actions and that the others in the group needed to be seen individually, for one person does not reveal the thoughts and deeds of the rest.

I feel in my heart that something regarding Christians needs to be cleared up. (enter strict, manly, deep, pious voice here)...clears throat "Well...hmm we as Christians have attained that which the rest of the world doesnt have. We are bound for heaven and they are destined for hell due to their abominable, offensive deeds. The detestable sins are despised by the Lord and therefore His wrath shall reign upon them, but shall spare us since we, His children are saved and do not cause Him anger..." give me a freakin break...DO NOT take this as Christianity. I as a Christian am no better then you as a non Christian. And you are saying...well how is that not Christianity, I have met people like that who claim to be the best goody two shoes.

Well let me lay down one of the key beliefs of the Christian faith...it comes from Ephesians 2: 8 and 9 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. " Let us take a peek at those two verses.

First of all...by grace we have been saved. Grace in the dictionary is defined as "A favor rendered by one who need not do so" or "Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people" a favour, a free gift. If I extended to you a gift that I had bought for you would you get the praise and glory for accepting a free gift? Or would I get the praise for going out of my way to give you a gift when you never expected it? Of course, the giver would be the one deserving of thanks.

The second part is that we have to believe by faith. This is described in the Bible in Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Sure, we as humans have to have the faith, have to do the believing BUT...faith itself is a gift from God! We could not have faith or hope in Him without Him first creating that characteristic or action in the first place.

Thirdly and lastly, it is not by works. Works, deeds, actions, all the same thing. It is saying that no matter how many elderly ladies you help across the street, or the amount of money you raise for charity or no matter how many sundays you attend church (all actions) you WILL NOT make it to heaven. Simple as that. Am I bragging because I get to spend eternity with the Lord...heck no...because as I have been showing you it is nothing I have done. It was a free gift from the Father available to anyone.  

The last part of that verse speaks about boasting..."no one can boast." pretty strong words. Who are we to take credit for something we only had to accept. The Lord offers us a gift and we reach out and grab it. I deserve no more praise then if I was given a birthday present. Did I do anything for that? I simply accepted it.

Simply accept. That is all we have to do, the Lord is holding out to you a free gift that we cannot boast in. Not by works, or deeds, the things that would direct the honour to us, but by faith, a gift, a free gift that we can only accept.

Do not allow your opinions of Christianity to revolve around misrepresentations, see it for what it truly is, normal human beings accepting a free, beautiful gift we do not deserve...that is also readily available to you! Accept His love, His forgiveness and rejoice in Him for little me and you, insignificant to the world were loved so much by Jesus Christ that He suffered and died for my sin and yours. So now all that is left for us to do is to simply accept. 

my best friend

"faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is LOVE."

This is dedicated to my other half, the man I desire to spend the rest of my life with. The one who I fell for four years ago and who still has my heart today. Benjamin Clark. The name itself does something to my heart. Are then any words to express thanks to God for the most abundantly fantastic blessing I could have been given? A man who believes in me, supports me, and loves me beyond measure. Yes, he is only human, but before meeting him I never knew such wonderful men existed.

Love is something uncomprehendable. What makes you fall head over heels for someone and desire to spend your life trying to make their life better? Where does this supernatural force come from which draws you to someone so forwardly that your life goal is to pursue their happiness? Love is selfless. It makes you a servant...a blind servant. One who serves despite living conditions or financial situations. You are bonded to one other person strongly enough to take risks and make spontaneous decisions as long as it benefits the other individual.

This is extravagently against human nature. We are selfish, self motivated human beings who are driven to survive and we do all we can to be at the top, be the best and to trample all who get in our way. So where does the upside down law of love come from? A law that puts you and your wants/needs last? An attraction that makes that person perfect in your eyes despite flaws that in the end just make then more lovable. Who knew that after fours years I would still be deeply in love with this man and still get those wonderful butterflies in my stomach knowing he is going to call.

This is my Ben...selfless, loving and uncomparably incredible. Making me feel as if I am the only woman alive. If I could give him the world I would, but sadly that cannot be offered. So I will spend my life loving him, supporting him, laughing with him, crying with him and inspiring him. I am so excited for my life with Ben and if I can be to him half of what he is to me in life I will be ecstatic!

Benjamin, this is to you...I love you, forever and always sweetheart.

ipods, mtv and the gentle whisper

My first blog...now I should be studying, or reading or practicing my Nursing OSCES (practical exams), but with less then 3 weeks left I would rather go door to door trying to sell those dirty clumps of hair left in the shower. Sooo...I thought instead of pushing my luck with that I would start a blog. Random yes...Beneficial no...Entertaining yes.
Entertainment...a huge word in our culture that we can barely hear over our ipods blaring, our tvs telling us who we should be and our friends on the the other end of our cell phones telling us where we should be, when to be there and how to get there. Do we as a culture always need to be entertained?
Is it wrong to want to be entertained or is it just wrong to need to be entertained. In previous years the thought of being alone for a whole day with no music, no phone and no tv would make me want to call up people I could not stand just so that I would not be alone. I HAD to be entertained. I needed that constant stimuli of something other then my own thoughts entering into my brain. That is our culture today. Praise the Lord I now have learnt that joy can come in forms of silence. Forms of being alone, yet never truly alone. Those of you who know my Lord can agree with me here.
The voice of our God is described in 1 Kings 19 "Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave." This is our God...a gentle whisper, He is the Ultimate Gentleman and will wait for you to listen. Why can our generation not always hear our God? Ipods, TVs, MTV, Cell Phones all which distract us and take our ears away from that gentle whisper. Don't get me wrong I own a few of those myself but the choice is how often and when you use them. Is your life devoted to the next tune you hear ringing through your skull or the next text message that causes that cute jingle on your cell phone.
Next time you ask the Lord for something, listen. Its simple...after asking your folks for a favour or after asking your best friend a question, you wouldn't just throw in your headphones, crank up the tunes and then get mad at them for not answering you.
The Bible tells us to "pray without ceasing" maybe we as a generation that feels we constantly need some sort of entertainment should try "listening without ceasing".
Trust me...when you give your attention to the Lord the world's forms of entertainment will never again measure up to what you will experience with Him.